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Yesterday was The Birthday Of The Blonde. Celebrations over, a full quarter century of sentience stirs intimations of mortality in our quixotic, bombastic, brooding broad. Ah, despair not, dame. In times of turmoil, the bard's the thing. See, As You Like It's aged, ascetic Adam tells us how to arm against Time's arrow: In my youth I never did apply / Hot and rebellious liquors in my blood / But on my face still smooth and free from care / L’Oréal Renoviste Anti-Ageing Glycolic Peel Kit.

OK, that's not all Will. But lesson learnt, lady. Advice on ageing, be it from Shakespeare or the Sunday Times Style, tends to be total tripe.

The solution here is clear. A few hot and rebellious liquors. A few hot and rebellious knickers (from the discount outlet of Myla). And, in honour of his new album out today, a Devendra Banhart ballad: